Resetting boundaries with your clients
– By Angela Turton
When we take on clients, we take the view of ‘starting as we mean to go on’ in terms of how we want the business relationship to work on both sides. Inevitably things change, and sometimes challenges arise when boundaries slip. My latest blog investigates ways to reset the boundaries with your clients.
When I ran my accountancy practice I had many clients that I loved working with and always welcomed and enjoyed our interactions. On the other hand, there were a few who I dreaded picking up the phone to, they were rude to me and my staff. Their demands were unpractical and egotistical and quite frankly, they were a pain!
Needless to say, they did not remain clients for very long! Then there were a few clients who I really wanted to help, but they started to suck the time out of our practice. “Can you just spare a few minutes”, “Sorry to bother you again”, “not sure how, can you show me – again” were phrases that heard the first or even second time boosts the ego and panders to the need in me to be supportive and helpful. When heard for the 10th time in a month from the same person, I began to question my boundaries. I am not sure I got it right at the time, which is why it was a relief to sell my practice.
Creating boundaries
Since those days I have been on a learning journey and one of the ActionCOACH Generalised Principles for Success is the notion of acting above the point of power. You see, at all times, there is a decision we need to make as to how we act or react. We can stay in BED, Blame someone else, find Excuses that exonerate or Deny the problem entirely. Or we can take responsibility, be accountable for our own actions and take ownership of the situation.
In all our relationships we get the behaviour we tolerate, ask any mother of a toddler about how to deal with temper tantrums. It is the same in business, in our relationships with our team, our suppliers, and our clients. The best thing, obviously, is to start as you mean to go on, to set the boundaries of our interactions from the start, and to stick to them. For clients and customers, these boundaries are set out in our contracts, or terms and conditions of business. If you have not reviewed your Ts & Cs recently or your contract, I would suggest you do that as a priority, preferably with the help of a commercial lawyer who can advise you properly.
The world is not perfect, and I don’t always act in a perfect way, I want to be as supportive and helpful as I can with my clients, and I often bend over backwards to help them. Now, however, I also respect my own boundaries, there are some things I will not give up, and a good work-life balance and looking after myself are top of that list. I will not be responding to emails after hours; I am unlikely to interact in my corporate Social Media or What’s App at the weekend too.
What if current boundaries have already slipped?
Unfortunately, it can be difficult to re-establish boundaries that you have allowed to slip. Clients come to expect instant replies, even if they choose to work till 1 am, they come to rely on you giving more than your contract sets out, meetings stretch from 30 mins to 1 hour to 2 hours. Or they expect you to drop all other work because they did not meet deadlines that had previously been agreed upon. It’s a tricky situation and a frustrating one at that. It’s not a healthy regime to fall into so I’ve put together some tips to help you reset those boundaries.
1). Acknowledge
Acknowledge to yourself what the current situation is and take responsibility for allowing it to happen
2). Plan
Work out what you would like to happen, and what the minimum is you will accept and where there is an opportunity for compromise. Plan your discussion and set a deadline for resolving your issues. Give yourself ownership of the plan and take the responsibility to see the situation resolved.
3). Communicate
In most cases, the first thing will be to communicate your issue with the person who is causing it. Talk to the client privately, never in a group situation. Use the “I” message:
- Behaviour – what I see and hear
- Feeling – what I feel when I see and hear this
- Consequence – how I react
- My wish – what I would like to see instead or see more of.
By talking about what “I” see, makes it personal, and allows you to take responsibility. It is difficult for the other party to dismiss and treats both parties as adults. Discussing what you feel, and the way you react allows your client to understand how they are affecting others.
Some points to remember:
- Feedback should be specific, not general
- Be as descriptive as possible
- Direct the conversation at the behavioural change that is within the power of the other party
- The tone of the conversation should give the impression that change is possible.
- Make it timely
- Make it direct
4). Follow-Up
After the conversation, you will need to make sure that you follow up on the actions that you have agreed to put in place. If you have agreed that you will not respond to emails after hours, then don’t be tempted to do so. If you happen to be working late and want to write a response, do so, but don’t press send until the next morning. One of the best email signatures I saw during the Pandemic was along the lines of: “I am sending this email at a time that suits me as I am working different hours to usual, please do not feel the need to respond immediately if it is out of your working day”. So accept that people may want to send you something when it suits them, you are responsible for reacting to that email and making a decision as to when to respond.
The main thing is to not let things go on as they are. If it’s making you unhappy and stressed then you need to be brave and make that change. Granted, it isn’t as easy as it sounds and I am here to help if you would like to explore a better way to work with clients, team, and suppliers. Simply give me a call for a chat on 01572 497 030 or email me at angelaturton@actioncoach.com
Remember. Be accountable to yourself, your client, and if necessary, your coach to ensure a positive outcome to your discussion!
